Guilty Pleasures

No, I am not reading 50 Shades this week!

Top Guilty Pleasures of a Chemo week at home

1. Got breakfast in bed from my Mom

2. Got to boss people around ( I was pretty nice most of the week but did get a little demanding)

3. Laid in bed almost all day Wednesday, got to email, talk on the phone to dear friends and get caught up on other peoples lives! When can this ever actually happen when things are normal?!

4. Annoyed my two teenagers! This I do just to make sure we keep things as normal as possible.

5. Shared tea and raw organic honey (has healing powers) with good friends.

6. Enjoyed delicious Meal train dinners delivered to our door! This has been an ongoing wonderful gift since Charlotte has so many good cooks!

7. Receiving the mail each day!

8. Checking Facebook and chatting with my cyber support group!

9. Having my parents here who spoiled me, ran errands and carpools. Thanks Mom and Dad!

10. Got to take a long walk with my mom last night with the snow falling and lights twinkling from around the neighborhood.

11. I was able to catch and receive Curt's look and comment that I reminded him of an Indianapolis Colts cheerleader. : ) Love that a man!

12. I get a massage today at my house! Yippee! Cartwheel! Yippee! I cannot wait!

Have a great weekend!

Lots of love, Lynn

Over the hump slump of losing my hair

Chemo loungaplooza went well today. 4 hours of lounging, visiting and reading. I feel wiped out which is to be expected but I have a good appetite so that helps. : )

I will lay low this week and be more myself by Friday. Also I am over the hump slump of having no hair! Thank you for all the positive vibes and communication, you all are making this easier for me! If anyone doubts the power of love and healing in our technology age they are wrong!

Thank you!

Chemo lounge

The good, the bad and the ugly

Friday's seem to be my day to update so here it goes, the good, the bad and the ugly: I was right in calling the last week's update the "chemo honeymoon" because this week the honeymoon was over. Losing your hair as I was told is the worst side effect of chemo and I am living proof! Talk about roller coasters! I have been up, down, twisted and twirled this week but without the exhilaration of the roller coaster coming to an end. My poor family and friends haven't had a clue which Lynn was showing up or just bowing out. For those not on Facebook Tuesday was a high when Curt just chopped off my hair to a buzz cut. I felt 100% better. I think the hair was just weighing me down. Feeling good lasted a good couple of days. Wednesday we headed over to The Adirondacks with a pit stop in Lake Placid. It was my first public outing without hair. I wore a scarf, felt great and was a bit anxious if I would get sympathy stares. We had a great day all four of us and arrived at my parents in good spirits. Thanksgiving morning all 14 of us headed to Lake Placid for the Turkey Trot/Run/Walk. Another positive public outing and even though I walked I didn't come in last. (My only goal the day!) But I do have to say I walked hand in hand with my niece Maya who then at the end sprinted just to beat me! Where does she get that competitive spirit? Thanksgiving we had plenty of turkey, gratitude and as always a ton of laughs. One bonus was my Dad shared his slides from Vietnam with a beautiful commentary of his memories and thoughts of his time over there. We were all blown away by the boy/man we saw on the screen and the father/grandfather we had right in our very own living room! None of our lives would be the same if he had not made it back.

Tonight everyone is out and I opted to stay home and recharge. I have been using this term a lot. I hope it is not an excuse..... I just finished watching one of my old favorite movies, Sliding Doors with Gwyneth Paltrow. The movie splits between two story lines of Helen making a train and not, and what happens to her life in both scenarios. I can't help but to reflect on my own life. What if nothing had ever changed and everything was the same? What would our Thanksgiving have looked like? What would life be like right now?

Reality is I am sick with Cancer, overwhelmed with love, gratitude, sadness and working hard embrace this journey.

Tonight I am melancholy for what was and anxious for what is ahead. Did I really ask for no drama in my first update? Boy, I have changed already!

This week ahead: Monday is my second round of chemo, Stiles heads back to school and the rest of the family begins their regular routines. I will be taking care of myself, trying to stay positive and will be finding some new scarves/hats for my balding head! The wig thing just doesn't seem to fit me just yet...

Love to all,

Lynn

Be grateful for your hair

I think I have had more tears fall down than hair but it is starting. And let's just say this sucks! Be grateful for your hair today!

My Chemo Honeymoon

Happy Friday! Ok it is day 11 of chemo and I am calling this week my "chemo honeymoon".  This week has been busy and I have felt good. Monday, I was able to bring Saige and her friends up to Church Street for the day and there really isn't anything better than being with a few 13 year old girls to make you forget but remember the good old days of giggling and sharing "drama/funny" stories of the last store you were in and what  happened……..Although at the end of the day I ended up sitting on a park bench waiting I love every minute!

Later in the week I visited with friends and walked. I even got a little online xmas shopping in….A few highlights: Doctor's appointment where all my blood counts were awesome, he even called me an "overachiever". : ) I took a water color class for Cancer survivors and shared a room with some amazing women, did some pretty juvenile painting but had fun. Yesterday was the best, a friend of mine who is in a similar but different situation went to a class called Look Good…Feel Good by the American Cancer Society and learned how to draw on eye brows, do make up and how to tie scarves. The best was just being in a room of all ages of women chatting and laughing. They had to drag me out of there….

Yesterday afternoon Stiles arrived home with a huge smile and all his laundry. It feels amazing to have all of us under one roof! My feelings are described best by this quote from an inspiring survivor, " Love, friendship, compassion are felt with such an urge one wanted to embrace the world!" This is so true, my heart is bursting!

Next week we will be spending Thanksgiving in the Adirondacks and so I will be able to share the losing of hair with my sisters and family. So know I will be in good hands! I keep quoting Saige, "at least it is not my teeth!" This brings me a strange amount of comfort.

Wishing everyone the gift of family and may you embrace this holiday with a renewed spirit of gratitude. I know I am!

Love to all,

Lynn

Inspiration

Well, it is day five after my chemo cocktail loungapalooza and I am feeling ok. I am just really achey in my bones and tired. The doctors do a very good job on setting your expectations and if you keep up with the medications it all seems to work. I have a good appetite, am sleeping fine and have been able to walk albeit slowly 2-3 miles a day. And the last couple of mornings I have spent 15 minutes or so with Rodney Yee. (a yoga cd) Considering everything going on I feel good! I can do this!

Tuesday I ordered my wig. My friend Susan and I had fun with this and she said my wig makes me look just like my mother! So I will be beautiful. I hope they can tell us apart over Thanksgiving!

This week we have watched a ton of movies this week from A Fish Called Wanda (so funny), Killers (cute), Good Morning Vietnam (worth watching again and again) to The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. (loved,loved) 16 Candles is on the docket and of course Bond if the family will let me out. : )

The inspiration of my day came early this morning. I was still in bed feeling soo achey and not sure what day 5 was going to bring. I get a text from Stiles, "the Jackson's and I did the polar swim this morning at school!" This is the boy that only likes to swim in 80 degrees or higher and is always saying I'm too cold! Those who really know him can just picture this. I could hardly believe it but he said it was fun and maybe will do it next week too! If he could jump in ice cold water this am, I was sure as hell going to get myself out of bed, which I did! Thank you Stiles! Inspiration can be such a surprise!

Ok for those folks that keep saying I sound so positive all the time….. I am but do have my bad days too. I did cry myself to sleep Wednesday night just because and now just cry thinking about crying. This is a journey that nobody hopes for but I have to say it's not terrible. My cheering section of friends and family keep me going. Please keep up the positive thoughts and emails it gives me so much strength!

Special shout out to Curt, my parents and friends for all you do for me everyday! I love you guys!

xoxo Lynn

PS Feel free to pass along

Cocktail hour(s)

I am home from having my "chemo cocktails" and it wasn't too bad. It was a small party in lounge chairs and it was ok to nap if you felt like it.  I am now in the process of doing something and it feels productive! 

At one point I closed my eyes and imagined all of my friends and family there with me sharing hugs and conversation. It was wonderful. 

Thank you for your company!

xo Lynn

PS Sorry if you saw something like this on Facebook. I just want to make sure people knew today was a good one.

PSS As always pass this along.

Top 5 Q & A's

Lynn's Top Five Questions and Answers of the week of 10/29/12 in order of popularity

1. Are you going to do Medical Marijuana? You said Yes to drugs. Well, I said yes to chemotherapy and anti nausea drugs but I think that will be it.
2. Are you going to lose your hair? Yes. All your hair? I have no idea. This could be a bonus in some areas.
3. Are you going to wear a wig? Sometimes, sometimes not. It will be a surprise!
4. How did you find the lump? I did a self breast exam when a friend had been diagnosed. My yearly mammogram was also due in a few weeks so it would have been found.
5. Do you know why you have cancer? No. I do not have one risk factor! I accept this but please make sure you are doing self breast exams and yearly mammograms! I think what people find scary about all of this is that it can be anyone. Cancer does not discriminate!

Tomorrow is my first day of chemo and I consider this one step closer to getting better. I need to get this going!

I love you all more than ever and always feel your presence by my side! Thank you!

All will be well.

Love, Lynn

PS As always feel free to pass this along

Mystery White Blood Cell

This little guy provided a weekend of entertainment trying to guess who he was from. Thank you Howard's!