The good, the bad and the ugly

Friday's seem to be my day to update so here it goes, the good, the bad and the ugly: I was right in calling the last week's update the "chemo honeymoon" because this week the honeymoon was over. Losing your hair as I was told is the worst side effect of chemo and I am living proof! Talk about roller coasters! I have been up, down, twisted and twirled this week but without the exhilaration of the roller coaster coming to an end. My poor family and friends haven't had a clue which Lynn was showing up or just bowing out. For those not on Facebook Tuesday was a high when Curt just chopped off my hair to a buzz cut. I felt 100% better. I think the hair was just weighing me down. Feeling good lasted a good couple of days. Wednesday we headed over to The Adirondacks with a pit stop in Lake Placid. It was my first public outing without hair. I wore a scarf, felt great and was a bit anxious if I would get sympathy stares. We had a great day all four of us and arrived at my parents in good spirits. Thanksgiving morning all 14 of us headed to Lake Placid for the Turkey Trot/Run/Walk. Another positive public outing and even though I walked I didn't come in last. (My only goal the day!) But I do have to say I walked hand in hand with my niece Maya who then at the end sprinted just to beat me! Where does she get that competitive spirit? Thanksgiving we had plenty of turkey, gratitude and as always a ton of laughs. One bonus was my Dad shared his slides from Vietnam with a beautiful commentary of his memories and thoughts of his time over there. We were all blown away by the boy/man we saw on the screen and the father/grandfather we had right in our very own living room! None of our lives would be the same if he had not made it back.

Tonight everyone is out and I opted to stay home and recharge. I have been using this term a lot. I hope it is not an excuse..... I just finished watching one of my old favorite movies, Sliding Doors with Gwyneth Paltrow. The movie splits between two story lines of Helen making a train and not, and what happens to her life in both scenarios. I can't help but to reflect on my own life. What if nothing had ever changed and everything was the same? What would our Thanksgiving have looked like? What would life be like right now?

Reality is I am sick with Cancer, overwhelmed with love, gratitude, sadness and working hard embrace this journey.

Tonight I am melancholy for what was and anxious for what is ahead. Did I really ask for no drama in my first update? Boy, I have changed already!

This week ahead: Monday is my second round of chemo, Stiles heads back to school and the rest of the family begins their regular routines. I will be taking care of myself, trying to stay positive and will be finding some new scarves/hats for my balding head! The wig thing just doesn't seem to fit me just yet...

Love to all,

Lynn