Each and every chemo loungapalooza has had its own rhythm and rhyme. This one came in as a lamb and is feeling like a lion on its way out. Uggh! I have been such a big baby this weekend. I think I had my mind set on not feeling so bad and all of this chemo hasn't been "terrible" that when I felt awful over the last couple of days part of me felt let down. I think that goes back to the "super chemo lady" syndrome.
This is the homestretch! Now that I started this blog I struggle with how real is real? Do people really want to know how ugly sometimes this all feels?
When they tried to give me the blow by blow of what this all can feel like I remember the nurse telling me you will feel fatigue. I asked, "Like the flu?"
"No, it will be nothing you have felt before."
She was right. This is like hot flash after hot flash, along with muscle and bone aches. It comes and it goes and then it grabs you again. Your mouth feels like metal. You are so tired even stairs feel like a lot. Then you have your emotional self you have to combat. Thank goodness this is my last round! I cry at the thought of others especially children going through this and for longer durations. My experience pales in comparison. See now you can get a glimpse of the emotional battles in my head......
The good news is that I am feeling better this morning but plan on taking it easy on my body as well as my mind. I used to dread Mondays but look forward to tomorrow being an improvement.
I am assuming it only gets better from here.
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