After a rough couple of days I woke up today feeling close to normal! Yay for me! This fourth and last round of chemo really hit me hard physically and emotionally. I had a doctors appointment yesterday to get my blood drawn and tested. I had convinced myself
I wasn't doing too well and that the nasty flu was going to get me. As soon as we got the results back saying everything looked great I immediately felt better. As the doctor said,
"I am good to go!" and I needed to stop fretting about the flu.
So I had my big outing of the year this morning and went to yoga with two of my good friends. I forgot how good positive energy can feel from a group of people! I was filled with pure happiness. Happiness that I was out in public in my bandana, cared for by my dear friends and I was participating in a group activity. The teacher started off the class with the Serenity Prayer:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace (I added this second part cause I love it!)
I felt serenity during the class and am still carrying it with me at the moment. After class my girlfriends and I had some tea and conversation. We discussed another S word Serendipity which to me connects with Serenity. Maybe when we stop trying to control the things we cannot change, our lives are more open to the serendipitous experiences presented before us. I hope I can bring this forward into my "new" life.
During my dark days this weekend I felt my old self crawling back and getting comfortable in this "new" body but I am happy to report today the new and opened Lynn is back. And I hope she is here to stay.
This is from one of our favorite teachers and my friend Rookie Manning:
ReplyDelete"Don't put too much on yourself, Lynn. Being optimistic is healthy & great, but being reactive to real challenges is "spontaneous" & human, as well. As you well know, stamina comes in waves and accepting this fact is actually being kind to you, your body & your spirit. It's good & motivating to have the bar high, just as long as you allow yourself to bring it down a notch at times without feeling that you are "giving in". You know you will reach up high once again. You have already proven that. I just worry that you may feel that you have let your spirit down when you have the "dark" days. Please consider, instead, that you're allowing yourself to absorb the magnitude of this journey, bit by bit, so that you can continue on meaningfully~ armed with the support & love of others and your own tools of goodness, humor and love of self and of all those precious to you. Be kind to yourself, dear one."
Love to you
Love you Lynn!!
ReplyDeleteNot only are you a beautiful person inside and out, you're a beautiful writer as well! Thank YOU for sharing your journey. You are an inspiration Lynn. Hugs
ReplyDeleteThanks Amy! This is purely my therapy but have so enjoyed the feedback and support. It has meant the world to me! xoxo
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