Feeling like Sybil

I don't quite remember all the details on who Sybil was, was she a book or a movie? All I remember is that she had like seven personalities or something. Tonight I feel like Sybil. This morning I woke up the old Lynn, happy and content. We had an awesome morning with a traditional breakfast with our good friends and continued out to cut down our Christmas tree. The morning just felt good, good friends, Christmas traditions and just a few thoughts of cancer. By the time we reached home I felt tired, I rested, caught up on the phone with a good childhood friend. When I talk to her I feel like my core Lynn, she just is me, strong, goofy, optimistic. By this afternoon I was feeling like this is all almost over with. Just two more chemos, radiation.......This is cheerleader Lynn (She is a bit delusional). As the sunsets, and we have dinner I have turned into negative Lynn. I probably didn't say a nice thing about anything except I like my own chili. Ugh! I don't even recognize that I am slipping......We watch a couple of old New Girl episodes that I wanted to get back to old Lynn with, but instead by 8:30pm I have to excuse myself. This part is hard but I can't even stand to look at myself, I am crying and miserable. And my head is so itchy! My only wish is to go to sleep, wake up tomorrow and this will all be over with. At this point I think of Sybil and hope only the old Lynn shows up tomorrow morning.